sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
