I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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