so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think my fart just growled at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
