I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And then he peed in my hair
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