You made me cry and you don't even care
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
