if only i could text you this smell
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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