Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
