you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize