Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
