i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
