So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Two words: nipple clamps
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