we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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