id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize