brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
