I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
