My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
