Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
