When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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