She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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