Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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