i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
