He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
