i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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