will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
