dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
