Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
