I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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