I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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