the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
