hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
