the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
