I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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