You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
