the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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