I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
