Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
