If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
