My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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