Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
