I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
