i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
