Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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