honey bunches of taint.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
