turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
