So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
