Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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