I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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