found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize