I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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