so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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