Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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