some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
