Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
