My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
