She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
