So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
