I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my liver is dry heaving
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
