What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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