found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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