Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
