Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
