your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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