You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
