sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
