There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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