i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
