Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
