Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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