The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
