I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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