I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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