I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
