i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
