He is such a slut. More and more my type.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
