the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
a search helicopter?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
