What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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