im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
