we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize