My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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