Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
