scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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