Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
