Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
