Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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