a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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