The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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