Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
