i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
