I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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