Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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